Well hello friends, I hope you all had a great christmas, I am pleased to report I did not cooking... with the exception of almost incinerating a teddy bear in the microwave on Christmas Eve.
Christmas Cooking (Bear gets burnt in Bagshot Microwave Incident)
The teddy is one that is lavender and meant for nuking, sadly not the entire teddy is meant to be placed in the device just the bag of ceramic beans that sit in his tummy. I can report that if you do place the entire teddy in the microwave for 3 minutes on full, he catches light, and produces thick black putrid smoke.
This is easily remedied by a bit of Mummy dancing, with associated swearing the usual s**t and b*ggar chant.
What Small Children Say (And Parents totally ignore!)
En route to Manchester the girls are drawing and in a very clear voice, Scarlet says that Mimi has drawn testicles! Mimi corrects her saying they are balls, and they are red and yellow baubles. The two parents in the car pretend this conversation is not happening.
On Christmas Day Grandad Keith somehow focus the three boys, aged 10, 11 and 12 on the word Dildo, I was rather expecting no response from them but the youngest one said it was boys bits, meat and two veg with batteries, to which my son adds they are sold in Ann Summers and girls use them to get happy. Three sets of parents sit in silence as Grandad laughs his socks off.
Brownie Points
You would think I would be up in the Number 1 spot with husband, he is now the proud owner of his BMW, gunmetal grey X5 with every extra gadget boy must have it gadget, we spent Christmas with his family affectionately known by us non blood relatives as the mafia and I got him all the small items on his Christmas list.
But no it seems this does not warrant a thank you.. dam man.
Well I can tell you next year we will be at home on Christmas day, I will wear my new Lulu Guiness slipper (huge thank you Lady Howard for these) put on my false eyelashes, open the Veuve Cliquot, have the cheesiest christmas music playing all day and I may even eat my lunch on a tray infront of the queen while the kids share a KFC bucket. A totally fuss free affair with not a christmas paper napkin in sight.
(I had my first experience of one of these yesterday, and it was life changing I could be a KFC addict if it did not repeat on me for the remainder of the day)
Did you see
The Royle Family, I nearly wet my pants, cuppa soup and the turkey, but hey they looked happy! Gavin and Stacey I so loved the discovery of the gran behind the bar.
New Year Resolutions
Go to Gym regularly
Arrange social life to be just that.. social
Get published- Bright Girls Guide to Business
Cook at least once a month something more challenging than fishfinger sandwich
So it leaves me to say have a great New Year, 2009 is the year to do something different. Go get it girls.
