As any of my readers will know I am blessed with 5 fabulous children, who as individuals go to 4 separate places of education and I have been doing this school thing for 14 plus years so well versed one would think. My youngest has started at the most delightful village school, I love the uniform the headmistress but OMG the PTA should carry a serious health warning. I heard warnings about the botox mafia but it so much worse below is an example edited for their privacy of one of the 8 emails I recieve every week.(I have changed the names)
Remember this is from the PTA not the school
Dear Parents,(Nice and warm that)
The following information has been prepared by our star Mum, (Tina Big Tits totally enhanced and can write) and it will also appear in the weekly notes. However, so we can be on the ball, I am sending it out to you now as well. Because of the amount of information, I have put each section in a different colour, so it's easier to see where one bit ends and the next begins. I was going to use neon colours, but decided I looked stupid typing with my sunglasses on!
A) Thursday we are asking children to come into school dressed in Mufti, with a Book Character theme to tie in with Book Week. For this privilege we are asking people to bring in donations for the Tombola. Donations can be of an adult (e.g. wine, pair of socks, wine, chocolates, wine) or child nature (e.g. pencils, game, soft toy, sweets), or indeed both, if able !
During half term: IDEAL ACTIVITY TO KEEP THEM BUSY: children to decorate their Jazzy Jars with a Xmas theme, and bring them in on Monday 2nd November after half term. Jars may be filled with sweets, bath salts, hair accessories,or any other imaginative ideas. It would be helpful for those with boys to perhaps bring in a boys themed jar, as we are traditionally short of them! Please label the jars with your child's name and class, clearly, on the bottom !
The jars will be judged on Friday 6th November, and children are limited to entering a maximum of 2 jars each !! The winner of each class 'best dressed' jar, will receive a chocolate Father Xmas, and their helper/carer/Mum or Dad will recieve a bottle of either red or white wine (is there a theme emerging here?)!!
MIMI Won I never recieved the wine but do have to buy the jar as she had threadworms and I bet the marshmallows are infected!
CFriday 13th November, we are asking children to come into school (apart from reception and Kindergarten as they have a school trip ) in mufti with a SPOTTED theme. In return, again, we shall be asking for donations..... for the Secrets room.
This is returning due to popular demand from the children !
To try and avoid the difficulties we have had in the past, and to make this an enjoyable experience for ALL the children involved, we will be requesting that EACH child who wishes to take part, contributes TWO gifts to the room. Ideally one desirable to a female and one to a male...whatever that may be!! Gifts should be NEW and to the value of a minimum of £5.00, and CANNOT BE ALCOHOL. Waitrose, Sainsbury's, Tesco, Marks and Spencer and Boots already have their Xmas, buy three get one free offers on...so get shopping !!
We shall, like last year, therefore, be keeping a list of all those who have donated. (Just so they can be nosey) For those who feel that they are able, we would greatly appreciate receiving more then two gifts per child, as these will cover for the children who come from outside of Pretty little village school.
The list will allow us to be fair to the children who have donated. It is only fair that children who only donate one present (which is fine) can only shop for one gift on the day.
The Year 2 mums will be able to make sure that everybody's child is treated fairly, as afterall it is the parents' responsibility to provide the gifts, not the child's. (Parents Police YEUK)
Gifts should be sent in a tied/sealed plastic bag, with your child's name and class clearly marked on the bag.So we can all see the cheapskates hmmm.
It is REALLY important that people follow this instruction so as to avoid confusion and disappointment. Donations should be taken to the gym on that Friday November, where members of the social committee, will be waiting to take delivery of said goods!!
And someone should tell them other schools do this with the same great effect without all this red tape. Am considering asking by friend who make executive silver vibrators for two samples to send in guess they would be queueing up for this!
AND, PLEASE remember that the children absolutely LOVE shopping for their presents themselves, and get really excited about it, so, lets make sure they have a good selection to choose from!!! AND remember, your donation could appear under your Xmas tree!!!
THANK GOD FINALLY, Monday 16th November we shall be asking for Raffle donations !!!
They can be of any variety (wine, plants, beauty products, gift vouchers, wine, glassware, dinner vouchers, wine), although feedback from last year was that we ran out of childrens prizes (games, toys)! NO knives! But we can bring alcohol- what a relief
E) AND Now actually FINALLY (Thank Christ)...on Thursday 19th November we shall be asking for Cake donations for Receptions Cake Bake event!!!
SUPER SARA SOMUCHBOTOX she can't breath has very kindly and generously agreed to run this new style cake stall, with the idea of the children having lots more fun, rather than just buying a cake from a stall. The children will pay to enter the game and the winner will get to choose their cake. With music and stuff, it sounds brilliant and hopefully will make lots of money as well as being far more enjoyable for the children and adults too!! I soo cannot wait for this one.
Cakes should be of a cupcake variety as opposed to a BIG cake, as they will be given as prizes to the winner of the games played.
On top of this I have given £100 in teacher present donations.... a friend has been asked to contribute money for showjumping lesson fund... der these kids are 5 years old. I need at least another £100 in my pocket for the Bazzare to buy back all the items they have taken in over the past two weeks.
I will of course have to adhere to the PTA Party rules that were emailed to me and although I can't attend the coffee mornings I love the minutes and rulings.
So have decided to set up the NMAS Normal Mothers At School Group, for people who like a bit of plastic party tat, do know that kids get threadworms and like to show their friends, but most of all are mothers who share the same worries of other normal mothers. (These worries are not that a certain shop is out of pink cashmere shrugs they are the real ones about the real world.)
No offence PTA but I won't be putting my name forward as I live in outer Beirut, or you would think so when I say Bagshot your noses fall to the ground quicker than a fledgling swallow.
Come on girls this could be so much fun.
NMAS rebel
